I've failed

I have failed. Yes, I have failed. There's really no other words to put it. Besides: "I've failed". 

Many of people think that I'm a joyful, short Asian girl. I think it's very rare of me to go out in public without having a smile on my face. That's because I try to hide it all. Everything. Since the summer of 2012,  I have learned (the hard way) that sometimes you just have to go out there, have a smile on your face and everything will be fine. Stop having all these negative thoughts. Self harm and self hate is not okay. It's not healthy. Well, until recently, that doesn't work. Maybe this time, I have to go out there, looking like I'm a homeless little prick and most importantly, stop pretending that everything is fine because really Nadya, it's not fine at all. 

This is not a confession- or a post indicating that I have depression. This is just me, the same joyful Nadya that most of you know, except in her lowest moments, trying to get her points across. 

I am no stranger to receiving hate or insults from people whether it'd be in real life or in the internet. I, in fact, try to embrace it as much as I can because regardless of all the negativity, I know that there are people out there who loves me for who I am- which I'm 100%ly thankful for. Often, I would either laugh about it, or maybe complain a little: "Oh my god! Unbelievable!" "Can you mind your own business?!" but this time, this time, I cried. Because it's a little too much. And as much as I respect people, I cannot accept that certain someone's reaction to the situation. I cannot accept the fact that my parents are being dragged into this. Potentially destroying my family. 

This is not my parents fault. No, they have not failed in raising me. No. I cannot stress this enough, they have not failed in raising me. One cannot just say that. I know it was indirectly said, but I'm not stupid. I may be a teenager. I may not know what's really out there in this world that God has created. But I understand what you were trying to say. That my parents have failed in raising me. At least, that's what it came across as to me. 

My parents have not failed in raising me. I strongly believe they will never fail. I know what they do is always the best for me, whether I or anyone else disagree with that. 

I'm the one who have failed. As a daughter, I have failed. I have failed at not disappointing them. Even though I've put them through thick and thin, I'm always asking for more. I have failed at not reaching up to their expectations because they do believe in me & have high expectations. I have failed at so many things.. but they, never in a million years, have failed in raising me. 

I have failed at being their daughter, they have not failed in raising me. 

My first ever recipe?!

Throughout the month of May and pre-exam period I've been consuming a lot of junk. By junk I mean, you know, those "pleasure" foods like chocolate. Due to a lot of tremendous stress, my hormones (isn't this the only reason for the things that teenagers do?) were kicking in and my only appetite was junk food.

After my exams were over, I came to a moment of realisation that eating junk would not benefit me in any way. It actually has more disadvantages than advantages. Therefore, I decided to turn my life around. Or rather, what I consume around.

Finding what is healthy and what I like is not as easy. I am very picky when it comes to food, if it's a little bit too salty or too sweet for my liking, I tend to not eat it and say things such as "ew" or "this taste like cow poo" or even "How can someone be so horrible to make such things for people to consume". Yes, as you can see, they may be slightly offensive.

That was before I realised that things such as smoothies and juices do exist. And they are healthy. And I love them. Since then, I would change my unhealthy breakfast to only having about a cup of healthy smoothies. (No more coffees!)

Here are some of my favourite morning smoothies/juices and their recipes. Not only that they are healthy, they also taste great and are very addictive! Yes, you do have to get up and get your fruits out of your freezer, or out of the fridge and chop them off into tiny pieces, but I guarantee you, it is worth it!

The "Not so great in colour" smoothie is what I call this one

The reason for its' name is because I am so bad at coming up with a good one. 

Servings: 2

2 frozen bananas

a handful of blueberries (can be frozen)

1 almost ripe avocado

water

Blend all together!

The pinkalicous

Servings: 2

2 frozen bananas

a handful of cranberries

2 tablespoons of plain yoghurt of your choice

water

Blend all together! 

The Green Smoothie

Servings: 2

2 frozen bananas

a handful of mint leaves 

2 cucumber chopped into pieces

1 cup of lemon juice

You can add some water if you want it to be a little bit more water-like, although for me, I prefer it to be as thick as possible! 

Blend it all together! 

Sorry for if the picture quality are not great, they were taken using an iPhone 5 then edited with VSCO Cam. 

Nadya xoxo

May Favourites

May is almost over. Where did May go? Last time I sat here I remember it was only the beginning of May, and I have not started my exams yet. Now, exams? Pshh, that's so last Friday. EXAMS ARE OVER. Thank God.

To be honest, the exam were not as easy as I expected them to be. Oh well. At the end of the day, exams are not meant to be easy anyway. And I've overcome that. So boo. Let's worry about exams in August, shall we?

Here's a roundup of what I've been loving this month. Excuse the very, very, very, very poor lighting. I took this photo at 11:00pm at night. (that's it, I have no other reasons) 

Victoria's Secret - Pure daydream 

"Refreshing formula is infused with conditioning Aloe Vera and calming Chamomile. Spray on for a touch of scent" 

It's written on the bottle. And it speaks for itself. 

The only thing I have to say about this: AMAZING. 

Eternity Aqua - Calvin Klein

I believe that this fragrance have been discontinued. Here in where I live at least. That makes me feel so sad because this, too, smell amazing. I'm so bad at describing scents I apologise in advanced. Although I could say that this does not smell like flowers. 

Clinique anti blemish solutions spot treatment gel

This acne gel product is amazing. You put it on your spot/acne, and I guarantee you that it will go by the next day. Make sure you apply before you go to bed. 

The Body Shop - Tea Tree Lotion 

No, it's not the lotion for your body! It's a lotion for your face. I love this product. I've actually been using this for more than a year. The solution itself is quite sticky when you apply it on for the first time. But don't get me wrong, wait for a couple of minutes (at least 5) and your face will be as smooth as a baby's face!( I'm sorry, again, I'm not good with my similes.) 

Maybelline's baby lips

I think I was/or am, rather, one of those people who just had to buy maybelline's baby lips collection just because it's, let's put it this way, on trend? To be honest, I was not really expecting much from this lip balm since I've been very loyal to my Kiehl's lip balm. But I ended up loving this lip balm more. Kudos to you, Maybelline!

Maybelline's clear smooth powder

My skin is a combination of acne/oily/awful/disgusting skin. 

There were no powder from the drugstore that suits me before I discovered this. I felt like, they melt my skin so often, and it ended up looking cakey. and gross. Plus, the heat here in the middle east doesn't help the case at all. So, I was bloomin' happy when I discovered this! 

Revlon - colourburst lip butter and super lustrous lipgloss

The colours are amazing, and so far, it doesn't dry my lips. It's wonderful! What more can I say?